"What's going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior."

Sometimes I have to ask myself that. I might feel like I am giving it all I have got but my attitude is just not there. I have been trying to figure out "where I'm at" with God I guess. I feel closer to Him now than I have ever been. I have been learning and growing more recently than I ever have. I'm at a really good place, but that doesn't mean I always act the way I should or am the person I really could be. I recognized that too, but I couldn't find the source.

A few days ago these lyrics started going through my mind and they made me think. I realized that this is why I am not satisfied with my walk with God sometimes. Even though I am growing and constantly becoming a better person through Him, my behavior is not always how it should be.

I may be really close to God, but am I showing it through the way I act and respond to others? Sometimes. And that's the problem. I want my life to illuminate Him 100% of the time. It's hard, but it's something that can be accomplished with God's grace.